Integrity Life Coach Blog

Be gentle with yourself.  If you will not be your own unconditional friend, who will be?  If you are playing an opponent and you are also opposing yourself - you are going to be outnumbered.

- Dan Millman

I love this quote about being gentle with ourselves - being our own unconditional friend. 

Most of us are not aware of our inner relationship. Often our self-talk is negative, hurtful and unsupportive.  We would never talk to a close friend this way, yet it flows with ease when we direct it at us. Why is that?  If our environment is also negative and unsupportive, what happens to us at a deep level with all this negativity? I believe we hold this negativity within us and it festers away causing even more internal damage including health problems.

You may wonder Why this so important, especially if you believe you are only hurting yourself…and/or sadly you think you don’t deserve anything better. When we hurt ourselves, not only do we dwell in the purgatory of self defeat, we also rob others of the very best of us. Those who depend on us, work with us or live with us get short changed.  How much patience, understanding, love and companionship do we really have to offer when we are not blessing ourselves by being gentle, loving and supportive inwardly?

Maybe this makes sense to you.  You know you need to improve your inner relationship and you are wondering how to do do it - where to start…

Begin by creating a vision of how you want to “be” with yourself, and spend time answering these questions.

What would it look like, how would you talk to yourself, especially when you didn’t meet your own expectations? How would you support yourself? 

What would your life like if you were gentle with yourself, and your own unconditional friend? 

How would you feel, think and be with yourself?

Spending time on creating a strong inner foundation will help you in all areas of your life.  Won’t you begin this vital work now? 

Many blessings, hope and love to you,
Patricia

Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged. For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at: patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com Copyright© 2008 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved

Hi all,
I just completed a session with my coach, and by the way, if you are shopping for a coach, it’s important to ask potential coaches if they are recipients of coaching.  This is because you want to know if your coach is also growing, learning and moving forward in their own lives.  Being in a coaching relationship is a commitment to their personal growth, and when they are at their best, you receive the best services.  I cannot say enough about how coaching has/is helping me stay true to my goals.  It is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  Maybe I’ll write about it in another post…

I want to share the steps I go through when I face adversity.  I hope they will be an encouragement to you.  (Note: I have way too much content for a blog post, so check my website for an upcoming Ecourse on this topic, and for future workshops/telecourses.  This post is a condensed version.  If you want more now, please contact me for coaching. or send an email to find out more.)

We all go through hard times.  It’s the human condition.  There is no escape.  So, stop feeling like a failure for having struggles in the first place.  What is more critical is how we manage ourselves during these times.  I look at them as opportunities to learn, grow and redefine some aspect of me, and what I want in my life.  Maybe I’m not living the way I want to, maybe I’m not honoring myself in the areas of exercise, balance, self-talk, time alone and it’s at the boiling point.   Maybe I am tired of being in a job that doesn’t fit who I am, and it has reached crisis level.  Struggles represent anything that is no longer working for us.

Think about it, it’s these hard times that move us out of discomfort into a more meaningful existence, and isn’t that what we all want?  We want our lives to matter, to contribute, to help others and to live life passionately following our purpose, right? 

Life is so much easier when we are not in boiling water, isn’t it?  We may continue on in our meager existence, maybe cooking small, or taking ourselves out of the kitchen altogether, afraid to even try creating our own feast. So how do we take full advantage of “being in the boiling water” and nourish ourselves in the process?

When I am in major boiling water, I am in and out of the carrot and egg pots several times until I finally land in the coffee pot.  The entire pot jumping time depends on the type and depth of my struggle. My steps include the following:

1) Recognize – and appreciate that I am in boiling water
2) Retreat – and go within with lots of soul searching questions
3) Resolve - to stay with it to the end, avoiding the tendency to escape from it, and
4) Recreate – new ways of being, thinking, feeling and/or acting as a result of my learning.

It is so important to nurture, love and support yourself in this most important process and opportunity.  Maybe this includes taking walks, warm baths, writing, painting, meditating or all of these self care activities.  If you are deeply frustrated, angry or depressed, resist any urges to strike out at others, and/or yourself.  Instead, support yourself through it as you would care for those you love.
 
Love, and Abundant Blessings to You,
Patricia
Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged. For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at: patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com Copyright© 2007 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved
 

Hi Everyone, and Happy summer!  I hope it’s warm and sunny where you are located. 

I receive lots of inspiring email stories so worthy of sharing with you.  This one is a great example…
———————————————————————————————————-
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
 
A  young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling.  It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
 
Her mother took her to the kitchen.  She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.  Soon the pots came to a boil.  In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.  She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
 
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.  She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.  She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.  Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.  Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’
 
‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.
 
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.  She did and noted that they were soft.  The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.  After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.  Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.  The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.  The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean , mother?’
 
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity:  boiling water.  Each reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.  The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.  The ground coffee beans were unique, however.  After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
 
‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. 
 
‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 
Think of this:  Which am I? 

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?  Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.  When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?  How do you handle adversity?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.  The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
 
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!
———————————————————————————————————-
Most of us want to be coffee when it comes to adversity, right?  While these examples help us zero in on our individual responses to difficult situations, where to we get instructions on how to elevate ourselves to that higher “coffee” level?  The happiest people make the best of everything, but how do they do it?

Once the tornado begins, and we are in carrot or egg response, how can we step out of that powerful swirling windstorm and react differently, especially if that is our ingrained, lifelong response?

No matter how unrealistic or silly, list 3 things you can do to stop… in the midst of an unwanted response, and rise up to a new level. 

What would it look like in your life if you were successful at changing this response?  How would it affect your relationships, self esteem and success?

Many blessings,
Patricia

Hi everyone,

I was in a Toastmaster’s meeting yesterday, and the table topic was about our mothers.  I instantly panicked and decided when It was my turn I would pass.  Then I realized that I have not thought about my mother in a long time…even this close to mother’s day… Thoughts of her death immediately flooded my mind.  As I pushed them aside, I asked myself, what positive qualities I have that I can attribute to her.  I thought with warmth about how gregarious, tender hearted, and loving she was and I realized those qualities are shared by my siblings and me.

Most noteworthy however was my mother’s love of dance.  I grew up watching Shirley Temple movies, Lawrence Welk, and anything else on the tube that involved movement. Every time these activities were on the TV, she and my father called out to me telling me to come in and watch.  I was the only one of five kids who shared their love of dance, and they encouraged it regularly.  

My father played guitar, banjo and mandolin in a band on the weekends.  I have priceless and loving memories watching them dance to “In the Mood”, their favorite song.  Before I got older and self-conscious, I was out on the dance floor with them.  I would be all dressed up in my pretty, frilly dress jitterbugging and slow dancing with my mother and father.

These are truly wonderful and positive memories I have of my mother and I am thankful for her legacy to me.  I only wish she were here so I could tell her.  My mother died of a massive heart attack at our Christmas dinner 25 years ago.

I recognize, and appreciate that each one of our circumstances is unique with respect to our mothers.  However, if you could come up with three positive things your mother gave you, what would they be?  Write them down and spend time appreciating them, and your mother for giving them to you. 

If you are a mother, write three positive things you have learned about yourself as a mother. Next spend time honoring and appreciating you.

Happy Mother’s Day to every mother, and thanks to all who support us!
Blessings, Patricia
 

Hi everyone,

It looks like spring is finally here, although the sky looked very grey and rainy last night like a winter storm at the ocean.  Today is sunny though, here in Western Washington, in spite of the clouds. 

I don’t know about you, but I have favorite trees in my neighborhood that I drive by each day.  I watch them eagerly awaiting their magnificent display of flowers. Spring is a time of rebirth, of letting go of the past flowers still clinging to the branches, so that new ones can take their place.  It’s a time to gaze in wonder at the spectacular colors, shapes and aromas of brand new flowers. 

For those of you who attended my workshops in February and April on Extraordinary Wellness, and Extraordinary Relationships, thank you so much!  It was an wonderful having you in class.  Your participation truly made the workshops meaningful, inspiring, and successful. I truly hope you are implementing the changes you committed to, and that you create a support system with your accountability partner.

Many of you indicated on your evaluations that you want round two of Extraordinary Wellness & Extraordinary Relationships.  Others said you want classes on fitness and coaching among others.

I want to let you know I am in the process of locating training sites and I will be scheduling additional training in the future.  Let me know if you have leads, or if your worksite would like to host a training (just send me an email).  I am also working on CDs for my classes and will be offering those too.  Let me know if you have questions.

So, what will you do for yourself this spring?  Like the brand new flowers of spring, what new form of self-care will you add to your life, and what past flowers/habits clinging to the branches, will you let go of?

Many blessings to you!
Patricia

It is amazing what an injury can reveal.  Did you know you have an opportunity to up the ante on your self-care plan even when you are injured?  Don’t wait until you have a serious injury like mine before you start appreciating the precious gift of your body. Ask yourself,

1. What will I stop doing NOW that does not support my body?
2. What can I do NOW to acknowledge and appreciate my body?
3. What three things will I do NOW to support my body?

Years ago, too soon after a car accident, I was doing abdominal exercises in one of my classes and felt a sharp pain in my neck.  Ice, massage, and rest did not cure the pain, so I saw a doctor.  Several painful tests, especially the one where you have to lay down flat for the MRI, revealed a herniated disc pressing on my spine and nerves.  After several months of physical therapy, sleepless nights, and unbearable pain, in consultation with my doctor, I decided to have surgery. 

I was pretty frightened after the doctors reviewed the risks with me; death, paralysis, infection, stroke, swallowing difficulty, speech problems, or injury to the nerves or vessels of the neck…  However, the thought of living with chronic pain, and curtailing my activities for the rest of my life was definitely, not how I wanted to live.  I knew too many people who were “out of commission” for extended periods because their backs “went out”, and that was not for me.  I could not imagine having to be so careful all the time.  I wanted my life back and would face my fear and go “under the knife” to get it…

It had been weeks since I taught a fitness class, or worked out.  Having to wear a neck brace all the time to alleviate the pain prohibited a number of activities and kept me absorbed in my injury.
 
As my inactivity continued, I realized I was depressed.  After 20 plus years (at the time) of teaching weekly fitness classes, a sedentary lifestyle was foreign to my body, and I knew I had to get moving, somehow.  I figured I could not hurt myself any more, so I attended a few exercise classes.  Even though I worked out in pain, I started feeling better emotionally and somewhat physically too. I knew from research that exercise is a highly effective treatment for depression, and the treatment was working, even after a few workouts.  It’s amazing what exercise can do for your emotional state.  The cures for so many of our ailments are within easy reach…

Just before the surgery, my family and friends threw me a “last supper” celebration.  We laughed and joked, but secretly I my terror grew.  When I got to the hospital and met with nurses, and anesthesiologists, et al, they asked me how I was feeling, and told them I felt good (because of the effects of exercise…).  The next thing I remember was waking up in the operating room with my doctor looking down at me and asking if I had told everyone I was feeling good.  I groggily said yes, I was feeling better.  He  said, I am not going to operate on you then, and he sent me home…

Now I was really depressed because I had already resolved and processed the fear, the shaving of the back of my head, and recovery time, and I had my last supper…  I wanted this surgery, and now feared I would have to live a life limiting and pain filled existence. 

The next day I met with my doctor, and after a discussion, the surgery was rescheduled and successfully completed.  My pain was instantly gone, the recovery was tolerable and I resumed my fitness-teaching schedule in five weeks, which was pretty amazing.
 
When my neck injury healed, I had a new appreciation for my body.  I realized how much I rely on its strength and stamina on a daily basis, and how much I take it for granted.  I depend on its health and well-being, and in return, I gain freedom and independence in the world.  I became fully aware of how well my body had served me during my lifetime, and I was filled to overflowing with gratitude. 

I had been teaching fitness classes and offering personal training to help others.  I had never really worked out to help me, Patricia… My neck injury was a gift, which helped me, connect with my body and acknowledge and appreciate what it does for me.  With this knowledge, I vowed to up the ante on my self-care plan.  I became more gentle and caring in all things I did for me.  I vowed to become stronger, to apply my personal training skills on myself too. With this new purpose fitness took on a completely new meaning for me.
 
When I am practicing self-care, which includes lovingly tending to my body, intellect, emotions, social, environmental and spiritual dimensions, I am teaching myself to acknowledge, nurture, and value myself.  This not only enables me to be more effective in whatever I set out to do, it also fills me up and provides me with more to share with others.

It is interesting what an injury can reveal…  Many blessings to you all.
Patricia

Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged. For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at: patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com Copyright© 2007 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved

Hi everyone, Happy Thursday!

On February 24 I taught three workshops at the Kitsap Association for the Education of Young Children conference (KAEYC).  They were, Extraordinary Relationships (based on my just released book, “Vibrant & Lasting Relationships”, Leadership Coaching to improve your work environment, and Creating a Wellness Plan (I will also be teaching these workshops at Renton Tech in April, and hopefully in Tacoma at the WAEYC conference this year. 

During the workshops I mentioned the Collaborative Leadership Institute and encouraged you all to attend.  Then I realized that many of my blog subscribers are from the Early Learning Field, and so what better way to get the word out about this fabulous resource then to post the details here on my blog!

I attended the very first CLI and I am on the Alumni Committee several years ago.
Let me tell you it was an incredible experience.  I met people in the Early Learning field, from all over Washington State, and I learned so much from them, and I stretched and grew in my leadership role.  Attending the CLI added leadership skills to my management toolbox, and I was able to create a project that I believed would help others. Believe me; you do not want to miss this wonderful opportunity. So, if you have to beg, borrow or steal your way to attend this institute, you want to do it now.

We are creating a scholarship fund to help others attend.  You will definitely be hearingmore about this if you are in the Early Learning Field in Washington State, so stay tuned… 

By the way, if you know anyone who would like to donate to the scholarship fund, please don’t hesitate to let me know, or Katy Warren, listed below.  Here’s the info:

The Collaborative Leadership Institute (CLI) is a 10-month intensive leadership
development program for early learning leaders in Washington.

Our goal is a renewed and lasting network of leaders prepared to advance innovative
approaches and promote collaborations that benefit children and families.
Sponsors include Department of Early Learning, Washington State Association of Head
Start & ECEAP, Foundation for Early Learning, Child Care Resource & Referral Network, and WAEYC.

CLI Graduates will:
• Develop an innovative project to benefit the community
• Increase self-awareness of personal leadership style
• Explore leadership research and literature
• Understand early learning as a system
• Cultivate a broad range of strategies to achieve goals
• Gain ability to harness resources to fuel your actions
• Create change and make an impact in the field of early learning

Who should apply?
Emerging leaders working within the early learning, early care, and after-
school fields. Applications for the 2008 cohort are being accepted through January 15, 2008. See reverse for more information. Applications will be available November 1, 2007, at www.wsaheadstarteceap.com/cli.html

For more information, please contact:

Phone: 253.373.9100
Fax: 253.373.1321
Email: katy@wsaheadstarteceap.com
841 N. Central Ave, Suite 204
Kent, WA 98032
WASHINGTON STATE ASSOCIATION OF HEAD START AND ECEAP
2008 COLLABORATIVE LEADERSHIP INSTITUTE
Great Opportunity for Emerging Leaders in the Early Learning Field!

Who can apply
Applicants will be considered from Head Start/Early Head Start; ECEAP; Out of
School Programs; Resource and Referral Network; child care centers/homes;
health; schools; and at-large including parent cooperative preschools, board
members, affiliated businesses and libraries.

Candidates must have access to e-mail and the Internet. Applicants that reflect
diverse perspectives, cultures and experiences are encouraged to apply. The
strongest candidates will demonstrate commitment, curiosity, risk-taking and
vision.

Teams are welcome
Individuals from different organizations within a community are encouraged to
apply as a team. Team applicants will be considered for selection as a team.
To qualify as a team, team members must agreed to work together to complete
a project for the benefit of their organizations and the community.
Participant Expectations
• Full-time attendance at the three on-site forums
• Establish an individualized development plan
• Participate in telephone and/or e-mail coaching with instructor
• Participate in on-line discussions with the cohort
• Complete individual and group assignments including assigned reading,
focused written reflection papers and activities
• Complete and present an individual or group project

Key Dates
Applications Available: November 1, 2007
Application Deadline: January 15, 2008
On-site Forums: March 17-19, 2008 at Dumas Bay Centre, Federal Way
June 23-25, 2008 at Central Washington University
November 12-14, at Dumas Bay Centre, Federal Way

Tuition
Due to the generous support of the Institute’s sponsors, participants pay only
30% of the true cost of the program. Fee per student is $800, which can be
paid by the participant, his or her program, community partner, or any combination
thereof.

Faculty
Helen Jones, Ph.D., CLI Coordinator, owns Jones Consulting based in Spokane
and has a doctorate is Human and Organizational Development. She was formerly
a full-time faculty member for the GU Master of Arts in Organizational
Leadership Department and adjunct faculty at Whitworth College.
Debra Ren-Etta Sullivan, Ph.D., is the co-founder and President of the Praxis
Institute for Early Childhood Education, Seattle, WA. She was formerly the
Dean of Pacific Oaks College Northwest. She has a doctorate in Educational
Leadership and has worked in public and private higher education for the last 23
years as a teacher, researcher, curriculum developer, and an administrator.
Collaborative Leadership Institute Information

Here is the website:  http://www.wsaheadstarteceap.com/cli.html

Let me know if you have questions!
Take awesome care of yourself,
Patricia

This prayer is in a couples daily devotional book my husband and I are reading.  It is titled Quiet Times For Couples by H.Norman Wright and it is filled with many wonderful insights.  One of them is this prayer for couples.  It is meant to share.  Many blessings to you this special heartfelt day. 

(James Dillet Freeman)

May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring,
and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.

May you always need one another -
not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness.
A mountain needs a valley to be complete;
the valley does not make the mountain less, but more;
and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it.
So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!” and take no notice of small faults.

If you have quarrels that push you apart,
may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another’s presence -
no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side,
and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another!

http://www.myhappylove.com/lyrics/wedding-poems/blessing-for-a-marriage-251.html

http://jamesdilletfreeman.wwwhubs.com/
Patricia

Hi everyone and Happy Holidays,

I am thinking about you this special time of year with gratitude, and wishing you all the gifts your heart desires. May your life be rich in love, peace, joy, and overflowing with abundance in spirit and harmony that you share with others.

Here is an article I wrote for the holidays last year – hope you enjoy it.

http://ezinearticles.com/?12-Transforming-Questions-for-the-Season&id=372368

Warmest regards & best wishes,

Patricia
Patricia Eslava Vessey, CPC, ACC
Certified Professional Coach
Integrity Coaching & Training Systems
www.integritylifecoach.com

(206)459-2898

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

Just Released: “Vibrant & Lasting Relationships” by Co-Author Patricia Eslava Vessey - Order your copy today!

Hi everyone,  I hope you have been safe in the challenging weather we have experienced in the Western Washington lately.  My husband’s family is in Aberdeen and was surrounded by water, and without power for many days.  It will be some time (if ever) before life is back to normal there.  Many of my family members are in Kitsap County, a disaster zone.  My brother’s long, winding dirt road to his home was washed out by land a slide, and that is where we are having Christmas this year.

It seems every year we get reminders of how unstable our world is becoming.  More and more we are learning to be prepared for disasters, and to carry on, and make the best of it.

With every disaster comes a gift. Our unpredictable, often unsafe world gives us the  pportunity to refocus our attention, to clarify, cherish, and cling to what is important-what we value.  What is truly important to us?  How would we behave, if we really knew our time was limited? What would be important to say to loved ones, colleagues and friends?

What would we give?  Maybe it is the gift of time given to those in need. Perhaps it is encouragement, donations, or kind words to someone with whom we have had a conflict. What we can control in our unpredictable world is how we respond to one another.  We have the opportunity to respond with love, support, and service.  What will be your response? To whom will you reach out to today?

I wish you many blessings this holiday season. I also want to thank you for supporting me by attending my workshops and classes, and by your encouraging emails.  You are AWESOME, and it is a privilege to know you!

Warmest regards,
Patricia

This special time of Thanksgiving gives us an opportunity to press the pause button and take stock of the blessings in our lives. It is a time when we can notice and be grateful for a job and roof over our heads, a loving God, good health, cherished friends, a loving pet, and companion, grandchildren, freedom, and life itself.

Being in the state of gratefulness brings in positive, healing energy that nourishes us deep in our souls. Not only does it feel good to be grateful, it is good for our health too. Thousands of years of literature talk about the benefits of cultivating gratefulness as a virtue, essential to health and well-being according to University of California psychology professor Robert Emmons. 

According to research, grateful people take better care of themselves and participate in healthy behaviors like regular exercise, a healthy diet, and regular check-ups.  Gratitude can also help us better manage stress, and cope with daily problems.   Gratefulness produces more optimism too, and that boosts our immune system.

So how do we cultivate gratitude?  We can begin by keeping a “Gratefulness Journal”.  Keep it on your bed stand, and every evening before you go to sleep, write something for which you are grateful. For example, I am grateful for my health, freedom, job, children, pet etc.  If you are facing a challenging situation, reframe it by looking at the positives and opportunities in it, like learning to manage stress, or learning new skills etc.  Also, each evening, write down the happiest moment of your day.  In doing this, you get in the habit of looking for happy moments rather than dwelling on the negatives, and this helps our overall well-being.

By the way, how many times have you stopped and expressed gratitude for being able to resist that dish of ice cream, piece of cake, or other food you should not eat?  When was the last time you felt good about exercising, doing a distasteful but necessary task, or just being nice when you are having one of those days? Remember to express gratitude in all things.

Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged. For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at: patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com Copyright© 2007 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved

My husband and I were taking an energetic walk in our neighborhood this evening.  We have a couple of routes we can take depending on time.  It was a beautiful evening as the sun went down, and it felt wonderful to move after sitting all day at work. 

As we walked, I thought about some of my personal training and coaching clients and the struggle they have in giving themselves time to exercise. I said a little prayer for each of them. My hope is that they will see the benefits in taking time for themselves.  Even a short walk in the middle of the day if that’s all that time allows, will revitalize them for the rest of the day. A walk can also give them mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity, something we could all benefit by, in our busy, hectic lives. 

Ask yourself this:  How would my life be different if I took better care of myself?  What would the benefit be to those around me?
Happy Fall, a wonderful time to walk and enjoy this colorful time of year.
Blessings,
Patricia

As you return to work from the extended weekend, what will be different this week?  Consider these questions:

What positive outlook will you create? 

What experience will you be open to?

What “WIN” will you create?

What can you look forward to?

What will you let go of this week?

Have a great week!

Patricia

Years ago, I used to smoke cigarettes.  I know, I know, how could this be possible, I’ve been a fitness instructor and personal trainer for 26 years!  Well, I did, and it was very popular for the kids I ran with during that time.  We had no idea it was dangerous.  Heck, all the movie stars did it, and they looked so glamorous.  The crowd I hung out with, well, we wanted to be just like them, from our copied hair styles, fashionable clothing, far out, groovy language, and in our personal habits too, like smoking. 

My friends and I created rituals around smoking.  We would sneak away (which was delicious in itself), and hide out while enjoying the grown up, act of smoking.  The fact that getting caught would put us in serious trouble with our parents and school officials made it all the more appealing.  It was here we could secretly “get back” at the grown ups for imposing their rules on us. 

My best friend, Barbra (not Barbara!) and I would share a cigarette, and talk about boys.  We competed with each other a lot, and tried our hardest to out-do each other blowing the perfect smoke rings…inside smoke rings.  She used to make me so mad because she took so long to inhale and exhale.  She always had to be so dramatic and pretend she was someone famous, and for some reason that ticked me off.  So we would limit the number of puffs each one took and still we always fought over it.  I guess that was part of our ritual too.

Later, after learning it was dangerous, I tried to stop smoking and I couldn’t.  Each attempt I made resulted in failure, and I realized I was addicted!  I tried everything from writing about it, getting therapy for it, going cold turkey, and chewing gum, but to no avail.  During those years, I would get so depressed because I couldn’t master the act of quitting.  It wasn’t so much about saving myself from the perils of smoking that depressed me, it was not being able to do what I wanted to do.  If you’ve ever tried stopping a habit you know exactly what I mean.  With each attempt, I’d pray, and say to myself, ok, Patricia, this time it’s going to work, and you’re really going to quit.

Then, a day or two later, I would be puffing away again trying to justify to myself why it was ok to keep smoking.  I’d say stuff like, as soon as this current crisis is over, I’ll quit, or worse yet, I would convince myself I was probably like that 100 year old person who smoked their entire life, and didn’t get cancer.  I remember those times very well, and how I vacillated between justifying my smoking and beating myself up for being such a failure.

What I realized is that yes, I was definitely terrified of getting cancer and dying, but honestly, what was most defeatingly frustrating, was not being able to control myself.  That was the key, and the source of my feelings of failure.  I have always been (and even more so as I get older) driven to master, conquer and excel at things - not to meet someone else’s standards, but to meet my own.  I could not, for the life of me, conquer this nasty habit, and that made me feel bad about myself…horribly bad about myself.  If I couldn’t master this, how could I master the other big, and important things in my life?  Because of this kind of thinking, I played small in many areas of my life during those days.

Then I entered a personal growth period in my life and started reading self-help books, like, Healing the Child Within, by Charles L. Whitfield, MD, Changes That Heal, by Dr. Henry Cloud, Learning To Love Yourself, by Gay Hendricks.  I learned about the importance of having a good relationship with myself, and this became my new goal.  I developed compassion and forgiveness for myself, for the areas in my life where I felt like a failure - like smoking. I found myself feeling more protective about my body, and I began taking vitamins, exercising and watching my diet.  I went to a Naturopath, and learned even more about caring for myself.  I learned about affirmations and the power of our minds in creating our reality - that what we tell our self creates a pathway for how we experience our lives, and it determines our success and failure.

As I transformed my thinking on this new inner journey, I gained clarity around my smoking, and I made a decision to quit that was based on my deep care, appreciation and love for myself.  I was successful this time, with no turning back!  I was finally able to gain freedom and independence on the day I quit.  More importantly, I freed myself from my self-imposed bondage of limited thinking.  I realized that I (we) can be masters of our habits; we can free ourselves from limiting behaviors and thinking and create our own independence day!  Are you ready to begin your inner journey?

Answer the following questions:
1.  What self-limiting lies have you been telling yourself?
2.  Write about what a positive, healthy relationship with yourself would look like?
     * how would you feel about yourself
     * what would you think about yourself
     * how would you support yourself
3.  What are you in bondage to, and from what do you want freedom?
4.  What will you do to get it?
5.  What is your commitment?

I welcome your comments.  Please share your stories so everyone can benefit.  Thank you, and many blessings to you always.

Patricia

Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged.  For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at: patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com  Copyright© 2007 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved  

Many of us live our lives reacting to what is happening in our environment without regard to the impact on ourselves.  Often we respond quickly in an attempt to make annoying stress go away.  Facing many choices for some is extremely stressful, and can completely immobilize us, which adds to the stress.  Sometimes we balance and weigh our choices on what others think, what is popular, or what would alleviate the pressure of having to make a choice.  Too often, we are stressed, in a hurry, and we make unconscious choices.  Frequently these choices come without regard to the impact on us at a deep level.

How often do we make choices based on who we are, and what is truly important to us?  How would our lives be different if we learned to live from the inside out, making meaningful choices that support ourselves? Doing this allows us to make conscious choices rather than react to what is happening outside ourselves.  It gives us more control over our lives, and ourselves and with that comes self-empowerment.  When we consciously choose what our lives will be like, we are setting our own course, and creating a life that reflects what is important to us.

The most effective way to transform our lives, to include deep and lasting change is to transform from the inside out. Instead of searching for meaning and answers outside ourselves, look inward and embrace who we are at our core, our core heart essence, (CHE™).

How do we do this?  First, spend some time writing about what is important to you.  For example, what do I value, and what do I enjoy?  What won’t I tolerate? What do I believe in and what convictions do I have that are non-negotiable?
 
When you spend valuable time getting to know yourself at a deep level, your choices will become easier.  When faced with a choice try asking yourself, how this will affect me at a deep level.
 
Blessings,
Patricia

Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged. For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at:   patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com Copyright© 2007 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved